Denial

Well, it's been about two weeks since we were first officially told that the Grand Puba is on the autism spectrum.  It's been filled with lots of emotion.  I've known in my mommy heart for a long time that he was on the spectrum... but hearing it confirmed has been a bit daunting.

Last week we went to the psychiatrist to discuss putting him on medication.  It's kind of a bitter sweet thought for us.  We weren't keen on the idea of medicating him but I full heartedly believe that we are working with one of the best clinics in the area (possibly in the U.S.).  The doctor was very reassuring and addressed all of our concerns.  We talked about dietary changes too.  The doctor has lots of experience working with children, not only as a psychiatrist but also as a pediatrician.  We felt like we had ample amount of time to ask questions and have everything fully explained to us.  Dr. confirmed the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (PPD-NOS).  So.... in the end we agreed to try the medication.  Hearing it twice just made the knot in my stomach bigger than before.  I know my Grand Puba is in there.  I want to see him blossom and come out.  That is why we are trying the medication.  It has nothing to do with behavior issues.  I want to get to know HIM rather than just relying on his facial emotions to know what is going on inside.   

Today I HAVE to call and get in touch with the in home therapy organization.  I've been putting it off.  The thought of making that call is so hard for me.  It is concession for me.  Admitting that he has autism and we need help to make the best of it. 

I know this diagnosis doesn't change anything in reality but for some reason I can't get past it.  We still haven't told the majority of people that he is officially on the spectrum.  So far only family and a couple of close friends know that we are trying to navigate this path.  I don't know where to start.  That is why this blog now exists.  This is our journey with autism.  I will find the way.  I will find the appropriate resources.  I will help my child to the very best of my ability.  This is the new normal for us and we will embrace it and continue loving our sweet little boy.